The Art of the Squeal
“A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top.” Politico recently reminded us of the late New York Times reporter James Reston’s insightful truism.
The most recent and jaw-dropping leaks certainly are not coming directly from the Cheeto-in-Chief, but so close to him in fact, the leakers probably have orange dust on their fingers. And the truth is, I don’t care where they’re coming from. Squeal away you patriotic piggies. You give me hope.
Without the bean spillers, we would never have learned of Jared Kushner’s December 2016 meeting with Russian Ambassador (and known spy) Sergey Kislyak. Kislyak entered through the back door of Trump Tower, so there was no record. And in that meeting, Jared asked said spy to secure a secret back-channel between the Trump transition team and the Kremlin. Apparently to avoid U.S. surveillance, it was to be housed in either the Russian Embassy or their consulate — on Russia’s turf! That one even took ole Serge aback.
In that same meeting, just three weeks after the election, Jared also met with Russian banker Sergey Gorkov, a Putin crony and graduate of the Russian intelligence academy FSB. Putin chose Gorkov to head the state-owned VneshEconomBank (VEB) the organization that plays a critical role in blunting the effects of U.S. sanctions.
No reasonable person can believe that was just a naïve New York real estate guy making nice with Russia. But there are a lot of unreasonable people out there who are convinced I’m just a sore loser and Hillary’s defeat has twisted my sense of right and wrong. Those Trumpers will never accept the truth about the con man they voted for. Anderson Cooper said it best, “Trump could take a dump on his desk and you’d still defend him.” And just when I thought I couldn’t love A.C. any more after that Kellyanne eye roll!
If not for the leaks, Mike Flynn (talk about a nut job) would still be Trump’s national security advisor. We now know the Trump administration learned Flynn talked sanctions with the Russians and then lied about it 18 days before they fired him. He only got the axe when the story was leaked.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions would be pretend-leading the Russian investigation and Robert Mueller would never have been named as special counsel. We wouldn’t know Trump divulged highly classified information to Russia’s foreign minister and the Russian ambassador in the Oval Office.
There are so many leaks, seemingly every day, that some of the important ones get lost. Like the Associated Press story of a leaked 11-page memo suggesting the federal government might use 100,000 U.S. National Guard troops to round up unauthorized immigrants. Or the New York Times mention of a leaked draft of an executive order that would revive CIA “black site” prisons for terrorism suspects. Or the Wall Street Journal report that U.S. intelligence officials routinely withhold sensitive intelligence from Trump due to a concern about, you guessed it, leaks!
And the fun ones too. Like how Trump lodged a formal complaint about the towels on Air Force One not being soft enough. Or how he’s tucked into his bathrobe roaming the White House halls by 6:30 p.m. every day. And how he hates to read and therefore demands intelligence reports must be condensed to one page with a maximum of nine bullet points. Weird. Why not 10?
Some say the leakers are Obama administration hold overs, hoping to save the country from the carnage Trump spoke of on Inauguration Day. Others believe it’s Steve Bannon. Could be Spicey getting his big revenge. Perhaps this most recent leak about Jared is on Ivanka. I see her standing in front of a 24 karat gold framed mirror, brushing her butter blonde hair and practicing her big girl words in her sickening Stepford wife monotone voice through her pretend smile. Who knows, maybe Jared blows kale farts under the sheets and she’s ready for him to go away. For up to five years.
It really doesn’t matter who it is. Squeal away, you wonderful leakers, and save us all.