The death of my inner self
I think my “inner being” is dying. It no longer communicates with me. When this first occurred, I found that it meant big trouble for my physical outer being. It seems that the two are connected; interlaced like a vine through a tree.
For simplification, I will hereon refer to them as my “innie” and “outie.” Our “innie” is our only link to the great cosmos, if you will, or the great lake of super intelligence from whence you may sip tidbits of information that quench the thirst of your very soul. Our “innie” is not of this Earth. It is a gift from God to give us direction; the right from wrong thingy.
Some 40 years ago, I experienced a traumatic event that my “innie” could not handle. I began getting “error” messages from my “innie” forcing my “outie” to fend for itself in a war zone. I had been in Vietnam for over a year and a half when my “outie” decided that we didn’t need my “innie” because therein lies internal pain and sorrow.
“We can survive on our own,” it said. “We don’t need that stuff.”
As it turned out, if you don’t listen to and use your “innie” it slows down, gets sick, and eventually dies. So here is the whole ball of wax. The truth is that if your “innie” is sick or dying, you can bet that it’s just a matter of time before your “outie” follows suit. Your “outie” belongs to the physical world, so when it becomes sick, others will notice your lack of direction and focus. What is right and what is wrong is no longer clear, so a slow but ever-growing distance begins to separate you from everything that you need to lead a happy and productive life.
Since that terrible day in 1971, my “outie” has been searching everywhere for information about how I may nourish and sooth my troubled soul. Unfortunately, the “outie” is restricted to the physical world. Here, nothing is to be found but logic and science; both of which have caused immeasurable horror, suffering, and sadness to the universe. War, famine, disease and all other unimaginable evil things that occur in our physical world are a direct result of science and logic.
Like so many other men of yesterday and today who find themselves in a war zone, unable to find nourishment for their soul in the physical world, I turned inward — but there, I found the “error” message. It seems that your “innie” has trouble interpreting warfare.
Nothing of value can be found anywhere in any war; absolutely nothing. Your “innie” will scream as loudly as it possibly can, “Wait, stop, don’t do that, please, please!” Of course your “outie” cannot comply or you become a statistic of war. Thus the conflict between inside and outside begins. and as many have found, the conflict between the two is continuous and will never end. “Error, error, error,” is all that you will receive from your “innie” for all of eternity.
I have seen hundreds of doctors and taken thousands of pills. I have talked with 50 or so psychiatrists and I have come to the conclusion that none of this can help my “innie.” I have accepted this as a simple fact of truth. The thing that I cannot accept is the fact that we are still sending our children to worthless, no-account, bastard wars where they too will lose their “innie.” We will pack away our sons and daughters, without question, without reason, and send them to slaughter or be slaughtered. The very moment that we agree to send them to a needless war, we become our own worst enemy. We don’t need someone to kill our children. We are doing it ourselves.
Taking the life of another human being and watching the life blood flow from his body will, in a single moment, tear your soul apart. It cannot be fixed by doctors or pills and it will never go away. You cannot go back and do things in a different way. There is no second chance.
It is horrible, the act of killing; it sends an evil ripple backwards through time and space to your earliest ancestor and forward to your unborn descendants. The ripple affects everything the killer and his victim has ever been conscious of. It takes everything away forever and gives you nothing in return.
There are two things that I would hope to be true. First, I would like our new president to be a man of peace. The second thing is a requirement of the first. A man of peace must have a healthy “innie.”