The Lowdown from Motown
After he told women of color to go back to where they came from and made shameful, racist attacks on cities like Baltimore and legends like Elijah Cummings, any human with a soul could not, and would not, reelect President Bottom Feeder in 2020. And yet all those despicable disciples, stood behind him in Greenville and Cincinnati, wearing their red hats and cheering for evil.
There are plenty of soulless scumbags who would, indeed, vote for this hateful man even if they witnessed him killing someone on Fifth Avenue. I think he could stab the eyes out of a white Gerber baby and get away with it.
So let’s winnow down the field and, for God sake, stop quibbling over the frippery.
Medicare for all, or a public option, or keeping your employer health care – yeah, whatever. Eliminate all student debt or make rich students pay theirs – okay, fine. Decriminalize illegal border crossings or continue to make it illegal but add more judges and never, ever separate families or force them to live in squalor – we can work all that out later.
The task at hand, my soulful friends, is to elect a candidate who can beat Trump and the hate he stands for. So let’s review the second round of debates.
Elizabeth Warren continues to impress. She’s smart, strong, and focused. When CNN asked a question meant to cause a fight, she pushed back and reminded us that it’s the Republicans who want to take away our healthcare. “Not us, we are Democrats,” she said. She gave Steve Bullock an epic eye roll when he refused to promise he wouldn’t go nuclear first. And she nearly made John Delaney cry with her, “I don’t know why anybody would go to all the trouble of running for president just to say what we can’t do and shouldn’t fight for.”
Bernie Sanders had me at hello. I was a little too quick to write him off after the first debate. His fired-up, opening statement this time around got me back in the Sanders saddle. I know people don’t like the yelling, Tim Ryan for one, but I found it somewhat comforting. He sounded as mad as I feel. My favorite line of his was in response to Mr. Ryan, “I do know it, I wrote the damn bill!”
Mayor Pete also opened strong in his 60-second statement by asking, “How did Trump get within cheating distance from the White House?” But the constant references to his youth wore me out. “I was a junior in high school during Columbine. I’ll be 40 when we’ve passed the point of no return on climate change.” We get it Peter Pan, you’re just a boy.
Okay, I’m never going to embrace Amy Klobuchar. She’s smug and braggy and talks in awkward soundbites.
I liked Steve Bullock better before I spent any time listening to him. He seems nice. But there’s something about his laid-back tone. This dude sounds like The Dude.
Tim Ryan was the first of the candidates to stop shaking hands upon arrival to the stage AND the only one who didn’t put his or her hand over his or her heart during the national anthem. These two reason are as good as any as to why Tim will not be our candidate.
John Delaney opened with some tough jabs at Warren and Sanders. But when they showed him on a split screen as he was getting jabbed back by those two, his wild eyes and darting head movements reminded me of the bumbling neighbor on a sitcom.
Beto O’Rourke and John Hickenlooper should join forces and create “Beto Beer.” A sweet and soothing ale to help Democrats numb the pain until we drag that motherfucker out of office.
Marianne Williamson had a strong and smart position on reparations. But quickly reverted back to Mari Moonbeam, talking about the fact that she can “bring out the love” to combat the “dark psychic force of the collectivized hatred that this President is bringing up.” Gulp.
And that takes us to the second, and weirder, night of the debates.
Joe Biden, or O’Biden as Sara Palin called him, was stronger this time but still not good enough. He wasn’t comfortable throwing punches. He stumbled often and made us all cringe when he haltingly gave out his text number instead of the website. O’Biden even slipped and referred to Cory Booker as “the future president.” Once again, he abruptly stopped mid-sentence when his time was up. Anyway.
Turns out Kamala Harris can’t take a punch as easily as she can throw one. She was definitely off her game. But I still like her. And I could see her climbing that ladder in Homestead, Florida to look over the fence at the horrible detention center there. Stay strong, Kammy!
Speaking of punches, Tulsi Gabbard, in her Touched by an Angel pantsuit, delivered some mean ones against Harris. I think Tulsi should plan on staying in Hawaii. Nobody’s bringing her to Washington.
Jay Inslee, on the other hand, will most likely become the 2020 Secretary of Energy. Buh bye Rick Perry. Oops.
Cory Booker made me feel calm every time he was on camera. He was tough, but respectful. He actually said “shithole” countries when calling out Trump. And I noticed he continued to use the word while blaming Trump for inciting the hate that inspired the El Paso mass shooter. I’m totally going to use the “you’re dipping into the Kool-Aid and don’t even know the flavor” line the next time my older sister tries to correct me.
Julián Castro could surprise us all. I loved that he brought up his police reform plan and mentioned Eric Garner and Tamir Rice. One line that sticks with me is people went from “picking crops to standing in picket lines.” Somebody’s a writer on that campaign! He politely schooled O’Biden with, “one of us has learned lessons from the past and one hasn’t.” And he managed to throw in a Moscow Mitch.
Kirsten G. is an idiot. I think she actually called Julián “Jorge.” And it was Skittles, not M&Ms, Mrs. White Privilege.
Andrew Yang, along with his $1000 per month universal income idea, is more interesting than Michael Bennet. Bill de Blasio is a prick.
We’ve got to cut through all the noise and focus on defeating President Shithole in a humiliating landslide, topping Ronald “The Racist” Reagan’s 1984, 49-state victory over Walter Mondale.
We can do this. Yes we can.