The pancake revolution
by Matt “Naj” Najmowicz
I called my PlayStation a faggot the other day.
It was late at night, I was playing Midnight Club 3 DUB edition which is a race care game. There was a particular race I was on that had a degree of technical difficultly. In order to proceed with the game, you must finish in first place. So there I was, on this particular racing heat, and I kept losing at an identical place in the game over and over again.
This went on for about half an hour, then my rage came out. I let my gaming control drop to the ground, looked at my television screen, and said, “You goddamn faggots.”
I sat on the corner of my bed, as I refer to it as the gaming corner, and sighed deeply with total agitation as any intense gamer does.
Then it hit me.
Did I just call my gaming console a faggot? Really?
First off, why was I still getting worked up about little computer controlled polygons at the age of 34. Secondly, I knew this word was offensive to some of my friends, and yet I still use it in my personal life ad nasueam. Thirdly, for someone who feels so superior to everyone intellectually and ethically, this was a funny way to show it. A person who evolved from a nobody to an honor’s graduate de-evolved in about three seconds of gaming rage.
I cooled off, looked at my television, and then said, “You guys are all a bunch of fruity pancakes.” There was a silence, and then I laughed hysterically at this notion of calling the gaming console a pancake like I was a sophomore in high school again.
My anger and hostility disappeared; I had disarmed myself from wanting to say something that is so hateful. Then the real genesis happened: I am going to get my friends to embrace pancake as an alternative to the words fag, faggot, or gay.
I posted this on my Facebook; a lot of people “liked” my post about my effort to replace a slur with an alternative that is as tasty and warm as a pancake.
Pancakes are delicious aren’t they? First thing you want to do in the morning is crack open some eggs, make a batter, fry up said pancakes with bacon or sausage, make coffee (tea for me), and start your day off on the good foot. Anyone can take their stack of pancakes and chow down, then you rock and roll with the rest of your day.
Slurs are hurtful and they create a culture of fear and hate that should not be. They are even hurtful when not meant to be — like when you’re mad at a video game. People are sometimes being forced into reparative therapy, also known as pray the gay away (kudos to California for banning this nonsense). Matthew Shepard is dead far too early in his life through no fault of his own. A child was pushed over a bridge by his classmates for having an allegedly effeminate walk… he was just walking.
I will even make a simpler analogy that can illustrate a more poignant argument: nigger is to lynching as faggot is to bullying.
I am not saying that my Pancake Campaign is going to cure the bigotry and hate that my homosexual friends face. This is more about me trying to fix me than an attempt to change the American lexicon. However, I still offer it to anyone who wants to use it.
Try it. Next time you are angry at something, call it a pancake. If you are honest about how you feel, allow the flakey, moist, rich, syrup and buttery goodness take your soul for a moment. It will be at the point, you won’t feel anger, you won’t feel hate, and you will realize how silly you feel being that upset.
Could it be that we could change just a little bit and realize how ridiculous we were acting before? If someone as stubborn as I could do it, we all could try.
(I was going to end on that note, but I have to throw in a parenthetical. My dog Shelby just took a huge steaming dump on the floor. Everyone is angry at the dog. I said in my mind, “Shelby, you are the biggest pancake I know.” I smiled, cleaned up her mess, and then walked her outside. I might be onto something with this Pancake Campaign.)