The Power of the Vagina
by Jesse Loren
In California, a woman might get paid 78 cents for every dollar a man makes, but having a vagina wins when it comes to child custody.
I used to think I lived in a progressive state. Things changed for me on Thursday when I found out my friend, a very dedicated father with a long track record of being a step-father to his non-biological son, lost custody of his daughter to his baby-momma.
It’s not that they aren’t both good peeps. No drugs, no abuse, just friction in a momma-daddy-break-up-sex, whoops we’re raising a kid, kind of situation.
Dad is golden, dedicated, committed, unwavering. Mom was nervous, short-tempered, but committed. Dad had a track record of commitment, caring and sobriety; was a home-owner with steady employment. Mom had a track record of having family in Texas. Mom got full physical custody and within about 24 hours from the judge’s orders, whisked the kid away from daddy’s arms to get on a plane.
Does it sound harsh? Imagine being dad and planning lunch. What do you feed your child when she wakes from her nap, knowing that it’s the last lunch in the house she grew up in since birth? Would you cry? Would you sob uncontrollably? Would you think pancakes or cupcakes?
Would you wonder about God?
Momma got a job in Texas. Not that she didn’t have a job here. But she got a better one in Texas.
What I wonder about is the power of the vagina. I know that you can’t hook a vacuum to it. I know it can’t do dishes. I know it doesn’t study well in college, and, in fact, it is a bit of a distraction. I know it lacks a GPS, well, at least mine does… I just wonder at the power of the vagina.
I know, as the mother of three children, that they had to travel through my body to come into the world. They had to grow in me and crack out of me. Still, the capacity of love from dad is not lost on me.
Just because my friend has a penis doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a heart. My friend having a penis doesn’t diminish his capacity to love. The fact that he has a penis and is not afraid to use it doesn’t mean that he is not a great father.
Where was the need to keep father in the family? Some of my friends have raised questions about the role of the male in modern society. I scoffed at the oddity of the question, at least until Thursday. The role of the father has diminished due to a nebulous fear of not empowering the mother.
For this one petite two year old, not having a father beside her was caused by the mother and blessed by the state. I know it is the first of many court battles, but it seems like the universe lost a bit of polish, while a small girl lost her daily dose of dad.