• author
    • Hannah Sullivan

    • November 9, 2014 in Columnists

    The rantings of an angry female shopper

    Why are girl clothes so terrible?

    Seriously, if you say that your winter clothes are actually warm, YOU’RE LYING! It doesn’t matter where I buy my clothes from either. They are always paper thin and are always more cute than they are practical.

    My winter coat hardly does anything either, but can I tell you it has studs on it and is my most favorite coat of all time? Sure, I have to wear a sweatshirt and a long sleeved shirt underneath it (which makes me look like a bloated sausage) but I love it, damnit!

    I have fallen prey to the cute > practical epidemic! As long as I look good in them, that’s all that matters these days, amirite? (end sarcasm)

    The only part of my wardrobe that actually keeps me warm are my boots. They were not cheap, either. I am not trying to sell you DSW, but I have bought my winter shoes there for the past two or three years and I have no complaints other than how expensive they are. I like to get the most wear out of my boots, so I usually have the same ones two winters in a row. My least favorite place for boots is Payless. SORRY PAYLESS! I love you guys most of the year (because I am a broke college student,) but their boots are like sponges. Walking through any parking lot wearing Payless boots when it rains is a recipe for disaster…

    And wet socks.

    You know what should be universal? Bra sizes. Like how hard is it to make them all roughly the same in every store? I got fitted at Victoria’s Secret and then went over to another department store (where bras are a million times cheaper) and I was swimming in the size I was told I am. Apparently, I am only that size at VS – not anywhere else.

    I got so upset about bras that I broke down, went to Walmart, bought a $5 bra and couldn’t be happier. Sure after washing it once it suddenly became discolored but it was $5!

    I am so cheap.

    I once asked my mom how to find the right bra size and she said she didn’t know. Are we all just guessing and hoping we found the right one? Even when I get fitted, it doesn’t always feel right. I am almost tempted to go to one of those fancy places that makes a bra for you.

    Usually the only bras that fit you in all the right places are the grandma bras. Who wants to wear those? Not even grandmas, I’m assuming.

    Dear pant manufacturers:

    Girl pants – what is the deal? My favorite pair of jeans ever to wear don’t even have pockets in the front. Since when did pockets become a luxury? The pocket of my other pair is literally big enough for one tube of chapstick. But they forget to mention that when you actually put chapstick in that pocket and move around  – it comes flying out.

    Also, why can’t pants be universa,l too? Different brands or stores – different sizes. When the size fits my waist, it doesn’t fit my legs. It looks like I have a huge, gaping crotch. Then, when my legs are looking fabulous, I have an enormous muffin top. We won’t even talk about camel toe.

    I also hate the material of certain jeans/pants. Some never stretch and some stretch as soon as you walk out of the house. How about when you wear a pair of jeans so often the material in the inner crotch/leg region wears? I’ve ripped a few pairs of pants because of this. Very embarrassing.

    There was this theory I read online that pant manufacturers and handbag companies are in cahoots with one another. No pockets = buy a handbag. GENIUS.

    I just want clothes that look and feel good in, that are not too expensive and are warm. Is that too much to ask?

    • Women’s clothing is sooooo lame. Most of it is Chinese-made crap. AND! Bras! Don’t get me started! Be VERY careful buying VS bras – go read my columns on boobies!!!

        • Hannah Sullivan

        • November 11, 2014 at 9:10 pm
        • Reply

        I haven’t actually bought a bra from there since before reading your column. Then I read it and was like NOPE. Never again.

    • Global warming has put an end to winter in the Bay Area. I keep wondering why my local dress shop even bothers with sweaters. Still wearing sandals.

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