The skinny on the 2020 twenty
You think we’d have all learned a lesson after the scum of the swamp floated to the top of the Republican gene pool of 17 wannabes in 2016. If we follow that model, Marianne “Moonbeam” Williamson just might become our nominee.
Unlikely, yes. But I probably gave Trump the same odds back then. So we must get real and elect the one who can send that motherfucker out of the White House and into Rikers.
Let’s begin by looking at the first ten.
Elizabeth Warren is one of my favorites. She’s on fire. This woman has plans for her plans to develop plans. She stuck to her authentic self and owned the first hour of the debate. Does she seem presidential? Before we elected this disgusting pig of a human being into that office, I might have balked. But that’s changed forever. Yes, Elizabeth Warren is more than presidential.
Julian Castro was terrific. He schooled fellow Texan, Beto O’Rourke about decriminalizing undocumented immigrants. He characterized the sad photo of asylum-seeker, Oscar Alberto Martinez Ramirez and little daughter, Angie Valeria who drowned at the border as “heartbreaking.” He quickly followed with, “And (this) should piss us all off.” Julian’s got some cojones.
Back to Beto, I’m bettin’ his chances are zippo. I believe he’s sincere and probably a little too honest. If he couldn’t beat Grandpa Munster, no way can he take on the anti-Christ.
I love Cory Booker’s vibe. He’s a peace and love vegan who lives in the hood and dates Rosario Dawson. He is taking on gun violence and said on the debate stage, “If you need a license to drive a car, you should need a license to buy and own a firearm.” In other words, he won’t be our forty-sixth president. But I love the guy.
It seemed to me like Amy Klobuchar was trying too hard. Her rehearsed line, “if billionaires can pay off their yachts, you should be able to pay off your student loans” was disjointed. And I couldn’t help but find her “all foam and no beer” line strangely reminiscent of the Brett Kavanaugh hearings, where I think she may have had her best moment. Anecdotally, I know someone, who knows someone, whose sister worked in Klobuchar’s law office in Minnesota. And the Attila the Hun stories are true. She threw a pen at said sister.
Tulsi Gabbard was brave and strong to serve in the Middle East with the Army National Guard. But she seemed out of her league on the stage. Aloha (the good bye one) to Tulsi.
Jay Inslee is also brave to make climate change his driving force as a candidate. He’s one hundred percent correct about what should be our number one issue. But he’s got a snowball’s chance in Paris.
I can understand why New Yorkers hate Bill de Blasio. He had some good things to say about immigrants not being the ones who are taking away Americans’ jobs. But he was pushy, rude and annoying. So long, Bill.
Tim Ryan came across as very pragmatic and made a good point about the forgotten Midwest, but honestly, who hasn’t since Trump won Ohio? And I haven’t forgotten Tim’s attempted coup for Nancy Pelosi’s gig. Go home, Tim.
For some reason John Delaney makes me sad.
Things went to the next level on night two.
I always liked Kamala Harris but I wanted a reason to love her. And boy did she deliver. Yes, I loved her “that little girl was me” moment. But when she tilted her head in an “oh no you didn’t” mocking of Donald Trump and his tax cut for the rich, I found my hero. Of all the candidates, I have no doubt she is the one who can take on Trump and destroy him in the debates.
Speaking of take downs, Joe Biden did not have a good night. I’m not saying it’s over for Uncle Joe. Barack Obama lost big time to Mitt Romney in his first debate. But Joe can’t seem to get out of his own way. He was advised not to bring up former segregationist Democrats he worked with. He has a hard time apologizing for anything. He seemed a bit slow. He looked old. Get it together, Joe. This is a big fucking deal.
Bernie is still Bernie. I loved the guy in 2016. He won my state of Michigan. I thank him for dragging the party to the left. But there are more choices this time. Hillary’s gone. And so is the thrill.
Pete Buttigieg is probably the smartest, coolest, most poised candidate of all. And he’s gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that. But the evangelicals can’t handle it. These “Christians” embrace Trump even though he cheated on all three of his wives, lies every time he talks, discriminates based on race and religion, sexually assaulted or harassed 24 women, bragged (on tape) about grabbing women by the pussies, kidnaps babies and children from their families and puts them in cages without soap or clean diapers or beds or blankets or any sort of compassion. They give Trump a pass. But Mayor Pete, an actual Christian who was born gay, scares the bejesus out of them.
Kirsten Gillibrand rubs me the wrong way. When she announced, she actually called herself a “young mother.” She’s 52 frigging years old. And Al Franken.
Eric Swalwell’s “I was six years old when Joe Biden said to pass the torch” was just mean.
Andrew Yang, John Hickenlooper and Michael Benet all seem like very nice people. I don’t want any of them to be my president.
Which brings me to the self-help guru, Marianne Williamson. Moonbeam was alarmingly unaware of how deep she was in over her head. While she was jabbering, I had a fantasy that she wins the nomination, and does a Freaky-Friday-type body swap with Oprah.
And Trump is screwed.