• author
    • Donald Sanders

    • August 30, 2014 in Columnists

    Thirty-five things I’ve learned

    1.  When your parents fight, don’t blame yourself; blame your sister or brother.
    2.  Betrayal is the only crime worse than murder.
    3.  If you are basically evil, go into politics where you can be protected.
    4.  The grass is not always greener on the other side of the hill.
    5.  Don’t try to live in the spotlight. Behind the scenes is where the big money is.
    6.  Life is too short, eat your dessert first.
    7.  Don’t lick the beaters while they are still on the mixer.
    8.  Be that person people go to when they want to hear the truth.
    9.  The one place kids should not be afraid is in their homes.
    10.  Marriages are of higher quality now than in the past. Easily obtained divorces removes unhappy couples from the married population.
    11.  It is better to stand against a bully. Always protect the weak and innocent.
    12.  All guys should learn from Super Mario. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
    13.  Try to identify the next “YouTube” or “iPod.”
    14.  Human beings are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others,
    15.  Time is limited, don’t waste it.
    16.  A good marriage will make you a better person without changing you.
    17.  If you want to make a woman happy, let her think she’s in charge.
    18.  It’s more important to be a good mate then it is to have a good mate.
    19.  Marriage is not a license to rape or abuse.
    20.  People who act as if they’re your friend does not mean they actually are your friend.
    21.  The secret to a happy marriage is not only forgiving but forgetting as well.
    22.  It is better to give than to receive.
    23.  The road to happiness is found through service to others.
    24.  Racism thrives in the dark, and it can’t help oozing out sometimes — when we are angry, or drunk, or desperate to win.
    25.  Keeping secrets is synonymous with repression and shame.
    26.  War is not adventure.
    27.  During my long days in combat I was only a boy and believed that my government would not mislead me.
    28.  When an economy expands so does inequality.
    29.  Our potential for destruction is unparalleled. If history repeats itself, nations only unite when there is a threat from without. Should this be the case, only an invasion from outer space can unite the human race.
    30.  Racial strife arises when wealth is not distributed equally. Race or class wars can destroy advances in culture overnight when it turns political debate to hate and the rule of the sword.
    31.  Science is neutral because it will kill us just as fast as it will heal us.
    32.  The comfort that we enjoy has weakened our physical stamina and moral codes.
    33.  We are the same trousered monkeys at a thousand miles an hour as we were when we used our legs.
    34.  The development of our weapons for destruction is more murderous and evil than ever before, far beyond anything in the history of mankind.
    35.  I think it is the duty of every adult to watch over and protect children, all children.

    • I especially love #12. That made me smile!

      • Terry vender

      • August 30, 2014 at 12:03 pm
      • Reply

      Woman are in charge dip shit. I wish I could be in charge just one day out of the year. Maybe they can make it an annual Holliday

        • David Lacy

        • August 30, 2014 at 4:39 pm
        • Reply

        Wow, way to make your case. You stay classy, Terry. Also, I think you mean women.

        • No, he means woman. His woman runs his world like Hitler ran the French. Terry hasn’t had a day off in at least 23 years. He has to wash the windows on his house every day. Vacuum, mop, and do the dishes-get the picture?

    • #17, they are in charge Donald. But think what you may.

      • Maya North

      • August 30, 2014 at 7:58 pm
      • Reply

      I’m hard-pressed to pick a favorite. This is wonderful. I do worry about the ultimate fate of Terry Vender, though…

      • Joe

      • August 31, 2014 at 9:48 am
      • Reply

      Terry, you remind me of a saying my Dad has… “If you wish in one hand and shit in the other, what do you have?”

      • Terry vender

      • August 31, 2014 at 1:19 pm
      • Reply

      Ya its amazing what we put up with joe, for that little pink whole. Oh shit did I spell that right David? What do you know about fate Maya?

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