• This just in…

    According to a recent Los Angeles Times article, 41 percent of California residents believe fracking should be legal. For those of you that don’t know, fracking is the practice of blasting water, laced with chemicals and sand, underground to break apart rock and release gas. It’s also been linked to drinking water that is flammable and ground water that is rather toxic.

    So – there are a whole lot of people who think it’s okey dokey to shove a bunch of chemicals into the ground in order to get gas out, even though the side effect could be tap water so polluted that flames shoot out of your toilet. I don’t know about you, but I have no desire to visit the restroom, only to end up blown through the roof like Wile E. Coyote with an ACME rocket shoved up my ass.

    By the way, 19 percent say no additional regulations are needed. Seriously? Water literally catches fire and no more regulations are necessary? I’m just extrapolating here, but I wonder what the end result of flammable ground water sitting next to the San Andreas fault will be? If I were pitching this script to Paramount Pictures, I’d probably say, “We see the ground shake, and then hilarity ensues!”

    In world news: Russian President Vladimir Putin and his wife announce they are getting a divorce. Putin is reportedly quoted as saying, “It was a mutual decision.” No word on whether the soon-to-be ex Mrs. Putin’s new residence in Siberia was “a mutual decision.”

    In financial news: Real estate developers are concerned Millennials, also known as people born between 1977 and 1988, may be leery of big mortgage debt. Considering the high interest, big college loans they are already saddled with while they work at Burger King, can you blame them? Am I the only one who sees a connection? Anybody?

    In entertainment: According to the New York Times, Universal Studios Hollywood has introduced a $299 VIP ticket, that comes with valet parking, breakfast in a luxury lounge, special access to Universal’s back lot, unlimited line-skipping and a fancy lunch.

    I suppose it was inevitable that theme parks would start offering tickets like these so the haves of society would not have to mingle with the have-nots. Once the New York Post reported that the wealthy were hiring handicapped people for upwards of $1,000 per day to cut in lines at Disneyland, all bets were off. I’m sure marketing executives, like me, saw this trend as an incredible opportunity to increase their revenues. Why allow a handicapped person to profit when they could? Is there any wonder why I’m ready to run from my current, soul sucking occupation?

    Sadly, there seems to be no end to the humiliation of the working class, even at places where they are just trying to have a good time and forget about their debt for a few hours.

    Moving forward, the masses can now expect to stand in hot sweltering lines for a few more minutes while Buffy, Chip and the rest of the Trust Funds ride Jurassic Park – over and over again. Swallow that along with your shitty $15 Sponge Bob Burger!

    For the record, this isn’t a new phenomenon. This practice was also popular in France around 1789. At that time, the upper class were first in line at the guillotine!

    And in what I can only call the ugly face of humanity: In Bolivia, a 17-year-old identified as the main suspect in the rape and murder of a 35-year-old woman was grabbed by a furious mob, and thrown into her open grave before the coffin of his alleged victim was placed on top of him. The grave was then completely filled, burying the accused alive.

    While the suspect was being captured, tied up and taken to the cemetery by a group of more than 200 residents, other locals blocked the roads to prevent the police from reaching the remote town.

    Even more shocking were the public responses on MSN.com, where the story was posted. One reader named angrypants, wrote, “Now that is true justice.” At the time of this writing 2,038 other viewers agreed, while 96, including me, disagreed with that opinion. Frankly, it blows my mind that burying someone alive gets a 96 percent approval rating.

    As heinous as rape and murder is, and as tempting as it is to want retribution for such horrible violations, we, as a species, should not succumb to the base instincts for instant gratification of this sort. We can all find fault with the justice system and a process that allows criminals to hide behind plea bargains and ludicrous claims of temporary loss of judgment because of Twinkies, but due process exists to protect all of us — innocent and guilty — from reckless persecution like the one described above.

    When we sidestep the need to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt in favor of what we perceive as justice, we give up our own humanity and become more like the detached criminals we seek to punish. Of course, you might ask as counter argument, “What if it had been your wife or daughter who was the victim?”

    While anyone may very well be tempted to seek such retribution in an emotional state, it is important to remain connected with what truly feels like the right thing to do. One need only ask one question, “Does killing another without due process feel like the right thing to do?” If deep down in your heart it does, then let your dark heart satisfy you. Personally speaking, the answer would be no.

    For this week, I’m over and out.

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