Tree hugging liberal piggy boy
by Donald K. Sanders
Man, there’s some weird stuff going on in the world today. It’s on the TV news, the newspapers, and on the internet. Some people like to go to all three media outlets to gather the news, but I’d rather get my news from the internet and newspapers. Sometimes I watch the TV news too.
OK, if you think that’s funny, think about this. Have you ever seen the famous slow motion film about the bullet passing through an apple? It doesn’t make a lot of sense when they call the resulting video from a high-speed camera “slow motion.” I thought it was pretty cool to see the bullet slowly go into and then out of the apple, blowing its guts out the other side — POW!
Now, two scientists at MIT, have invented a camera that, they say, can capture the speed of light. This new camera that costs $250,000, captures action at one-trillion exposures per second. That’s pretty damn fast. Here is what they had to say: “We can make the same film of the bullet passing through the apple but it would take six years to watch the entire video.
I decided that I want to watch this video.
Naturally it’s not capturing the photon as it travels parallel to the focal plane, but rather the moments that occur just the wee-est bit later, after the photon strikes a surface and scatters towards the focal plane. It can only capture a single row of pixels at a time. To create the whole film, it has to be repeated 480 times for each frame.
Being able to capture anything at this rate is astonishing and can probably be used in a number of scientific discoveries. In medical imaging, we can do ultrasound with light instead of sound. (I wonder if they will still call it ultrasound?) The top commenter on YouTube aptly noted, “This is going to totally revolutionize porn.” (OK, I stole the last two paragraphs right off the internet and played like I wrote them.)
Today I got on the horn (that’s famous war hero talk for a telephone) and I called MIT to get a copy of the video. The guy that I talked to said that it might be awhile because there was an auditorium full of grade school kids watching it right now. He finished by saying that when the film was over, they would be sophomores in college. I’m watching the mail for it every day now.
While I was waiting for the mailman, I decided to think about something. I thought about First Lady Michelle Obama discussing stories of tension between her and White House aides. She was saying people have tried to portray her as “some kind of angry black woman.” On this subject, I’m an expert. Some of my really good friends are black women. I know all about them.
Let’s see, there is Dr. Karen McCord, Professor of Ethnic Studies at Solano Community College. For years she was my mentor. I wanted to be just like her. She is really, really cool. College kids will sit in a room and listen to her for hours and hours. She is responsible for my being in “Honors” classes. She made me want to learn more. By the time I finished every course she taught, I was so smart that even I thought I was a black guy. All of the other students in the room affectionately called me “Sunshine.”
Dr. McCord’s good friend, Dr. Tolliver, (now retired) is a black lady also. Dr. Tolliver’s husband was stabbed in his driveway by some white jerk that was trying to steal some of their stuff. I think Mr. Tolliver must suffer from PTSD because every time I would go to their house I thought he was going to beat me up. (Just kidding of course.)
For one of my classes, I interviewed another friend of theirs, Judge Ramona J. Garrett (Superior Court of Solano County). I got an “A” on that paper of course. I tell the truth when I say I absolutely adore these women. Of course, they love me too. Together, with a few other women, they published a book about how each of them, abused as children living in high-rise ghettos of New York and other cities, successfully rose above it all to become the professionals they are.
I was thinking that these lovely ladies had to put up with stereotypes too. I’ve never seen them as “angry black women” but I never pushed the issue either. I pushed my hand through the mail slot on my wall to see if the mailman was coming, (nope, not yet) but all of a sudden I was thinking about the woman that coughed up a 3-inch tumor. After that, she was cancer free. If I ever get cancer, that’s what I’m going to do too. Another thing I’m going to do is keep the tumor in a jar so I can look at it and show it to my friends Steve and Terry. They like that sort of stuff.
Next time, I’m going to write about how some people have been calling me “Tree hugger” and “liberal piggy boy.” Except for “piggy,” I don’t even know what that means.