Twelve phrases I hate with a passion
1. It is what it is.
Wow. Insightful. There literally is not a more obvious statement you could make about anything and everything in this world. If you go to someone for advice and he or she offers you this gem, commend him or her for being able to so succinctly paraphrase reality itself.
2. My head is literally about to explode with all of this studying for finals.
Proper response upon hearing this phrase: Someone call an ambulance now g-ddamnit! HURRY UP! Are you Okay? ARE YOU OKAY??? STAY WITH ME NOW! STAY WITH ME!
3. Y.O.L.O. (You Only Live Once).
Yep, as a whole I think this has pretty much been proven true (except for that 3-day magic trick 2,013 years ago). But every organ including the brain can lose functionality along the way to the conclusion of said life. Really need to down 21 shots on your 21st birthday? Your liver thinks nay.
4. It’s sink or swim.
Actually, I learned how to do the back float when I was five. If I don’t wish to rise to any major challenges at this moment why do I have to go under instead?
5. Welcome to [insert Fast Food company name here]. Would you like to try our new [insert bizarre mutant item that will be on the menu for three weeks before disappearing forever]?
There are 50 items on your menu. What are the odds I want that one? Meanwhile, I could have been at the pay window by now.
6. Haters gonna hate.
Yes, it is true that those who truly hate are likely to continue hating (this part goes along with the obviousness of #1). But usually this is a response from someone who has just been lightly teased by someone else over his or her preference of sport team. And the teaser doesn’t really hate anyone on the teasee’s team, at least not in the way any dictionary defines the word. The teasee just couldn’t think of a clever rejoinder so he decided to ascribe one of the worst attributes of human nature to the teaser. Weak sauce.
7. Weak sauce.
Usually the least constructive criticism possible. And it just sounds so squishy and nasty.
8. That’s so gay.
How can something without a sexual identity be gay? Oh, you mean “lame” and you have such severe dyslexia that it transforms every single letter in the word to an entirely new word. Gotcha. (Yeah, yeah, I know, I know: You grew up with the phrase and it doesn’t really mean what it used to me– SHUT UP. YES IT DOES.)
9. It’s a slippery slope to (fill in the blank; e.g.: “health care reform is a slippery slope to Fascist-Communist Nazism”).
- This effectively eliminates all possibility of compromise because you’ve already foreseen the worst possible outcome if the opposition gets their way.
- Sometimes slippery slopes are fun. When you go sledding do you prefer the slippery hurl down the side of the mountain or the tiring trek back uphill?
10. He annoys the shit out of me.
Hey, at least you don’t need a laxative! Still, that must be awkward for you.
11. Think outside the box.
Well, Mr. snarky corporate M.B.A. eighth-tier team leader, maybe I would think outside the box if I didn’t work in a cubicle 40 hours a week.
12. (F.M.L.) Fuck My life.
Translation: My iPhone 5 is getting fixed and I have to use my iPhone 4S for two weeks. God, why is child labor so weak sauce?!