You might be a moron if . . .
– You publicly mock someone with a disability.
– The only war heroes you like are those not captured.
– You belittle the parents of a slain American soldier.
– You make up a story that “thousands were cheering” in New Jersey on 9/11.
– You barge in on young beauty contestants in their dressing rooms and brag about it on “The Howard Stern Show.”
– You allow Howard Stern to call your daughter a “piece of ass” and later blurt out, on “The View,” that if she wasn’t your daughter, you’d be dating her.
– You call a former Miss Universe “Miss Piggy” after she gained some weight.
– You brag about going after a married woman “like a bitch” and gloat that because you are a star you can “grab women by the pussy.”
– You float a rumor that your opponent’s father helped Oswald kill Kennedy.
– You confirm you had investigators in Hawaii who would dispute Barack Obama’s citizenship, but you were just kidding.
– You tease you have a plan to defeat ISIS, but you were just kidding.
– You accuse a U.S. President of tapping your phones, but you were just lying.
– You boast you know more about ISIS than our generals.
– When asked who you are talking to for advice, your answer is, “I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain, and I’ve said a lot of things.”
– You don’t believe in global warming because it gets cold in the winter.
– You encouraged violence at your campaign rallies.
– When Hillary took a bathroom break at a debate, you said it was “disgusting.”
– You vow to bring back waterboarding and a “hell of a lot worse.”
– You declare an American judge can’t rule fairly because he “is a Mexican.”
– Despite DNA evidence exonerating them, you proclaim the Central Park Five are guilty.
– You claim you’re the “least racist person you’ve ever seen.”
– You discover, while reading a speech, that Abraham Lincoln was a Republican.
– You thought being President would be easier than anything you did before.
– You didn’t know health care was complicated.
– You shoved the Prime Minister of Montenegro out of the way so you were front and center for the class photo at the NATO summit.
– At a rally in Arizona, you malign John McCain, who has terminal brain cancer, because he didn’t vote for your horrendous health plan.
– You refuse to disavow white supremacists, claiming some are “very fine people.”
– You call San Juan’s role-model-mayor a “nasty ingrate” and dismiss her when she attempts to have a dialogue about saving lives.
– You tell hurricane-ravaged Puerto Ricans they are lazy and lucky they didn’t suffer a real tragedy like Katrina.
– Whenever you don’t like what’s being reported you call it “fake news” and threaten the credibility of the free press.
– You taunt the unbalanced leader of North Korea and threaten nuclear war.
– You don’t understand that if you sabotage the Iran nuclear agreement you could be juggling the threat of two nuclear wars.
Look, if you or I committed just the first five of these acts, I’m pretty sure our friends would call us morons. But if you’re the President of the United States and responsible for all 32 of these horrors – in the words of Exxon-Ex Rex – you’re a FUCKING moron.