You’re a fine man, Howard Fineman
I’ve had a crush on you for quite some time. When you appear in your contributor role on MSNBC, I stop dead in my tracks. My right hand instinctively goes for the “+ volume” button on the remote and I am yours for the next five or ten minutes.
You are smart, funny, compassionate, unassuming, logical, politically astute and confident. I am happy you rose from Newsweek’s ashes to editorial director of the AOL Huffington Post Media group. But it’s not all cerebral. I also think you’re cute.
As I get older, and infinitely wiser, I’m attracted to the whole package. Yes, I said package, and that part is still important, but I want a man I could talk with for hours and not get bored. Someone who is progressive and kind. A man who is like-minded, but also up for some friendly debate.
I was first charmed by you in the late 1990s on CNN’s “Capital Gang Sunday,” but I lost track of you and eventually stopped watching CNN – along with everybody else.
In 2003, I dropped in on MSNBC for the first time and caught Keith Olbermann’s lead story about the killing of Saddam Hussein’s sons. Keith announced, over the shocking photos of Saddam’s freshly killed spawn, “Uday and Qusay – ed-day.” I’d never heard Pig Latin on a news broadcast before and was hooked. You did a few stints on Keith’s show and that’s where you got me. As for Keith, he eventually went off the rails and I stopped watching “Countdown.” But I became an MSNBC loyalist and was captivated by your appearances on other shows like “Hardball with Chris Matthews.”
Sadly, you got a lot of social media flack over dyeing your hair, but I just thought it made you more real. It was an unnatural reddish brown that reminded me of a furry purse my Russian grandmother used to carry. But I still felt very protective. When you finally decided to go natural, you then had to suffer the striped head growing-out-period. On national TV, no less! Of course the Twitter Twats (loved Janine’s sneer at Zoe Barnes in “House of Cards”) were all over you.
And then there was the 2012 Republican National Convention. It was in Tampa. In August. During hurricane season. Everybody was talking about Isaac’s threat, Clint’s old-man rant and Ann’s awkward “I love you women” proclamation. But I was fixed on your hair. The weather was hot and humid and you had a bad case of the frizzies. Mitt Romney’s convention fell flat, but your beautiful silver mane was sticking up all over the place.
One morning, during that election season, I loved seeing you on “Morning Joe” at a bar during an on-site broadcast. You were all “coat and tie” from the waist up but workin’ some hot man jeans down under.
You don’t do “Morning Joe” much. I think it’s because Joe and Mika are jackasses and homey don’t play that. I loved it when you got pissy with Mika a while back when she said she was bored after you so eloquently answered one of her boring questions. And moaning Joe just won’t shut up. So I assume you choose to sleep in and make your time count with the likes of Chris, Rachel and Lawrence.
You are fair and, although you admire President Obama, you call him out when it’s warranted. Unlike Chris “Thrill up my Leg” Matthews, whose infatuation with Barack is deeper than mine.
So as another Valentine’s Day rolls around and I’m still single, I’ll steer clear of the nonstop, free weekend offers from eHarmony. You’ll never try to scam me for money or make me feel bad about myself when you don’t respond to my nudge, smile, bump or grind.
And if things ever do sour between us . . . I think Eugene Robinson is adorable.